Have the Confidence to Be Yourself

Have the Confidence to Be Yourself

(From Chapter 1 of Refined by Fire: A Self-Help Memoir)

As young and impressionable souls, we are sometimes told who we should strive to be. Because we have all once been in a mental space where we were uncertain of what we expected of ourselves and our futures, we naturally looked to others for guidance. During this search for our identities and voices, often insisted that we fall in line with someone else’s idea of what’s best for us. No matter where you grew up or who influenced you, the advice was usually given from the only perspective that the person who was giving it knew: their own.

“Go to college and major in this.”

“Follow that religion.”

“This denomination is the only right one.”

“Subscribe to this political ideology.”

“Avoid those types of people.”

Though those who place us on these paths likely mean well, they often point us in a generic direction and direct us toward roads which are already crowded. On one hand, these experiences brought on by the decisions of others give us opportunities to gather valuable skills and absorb invaluable information that we may retain for the duration of our lives. But on the other hand, it is often asked of us to sacrifice some – or maybe all – of our individuality for the sake of fitting in or rising within the hierarchy of others who made similar decisions with their own lives. Eventually, before you realize it, you could become a cookie cutter image of hundreds, thousands, or maybe millions of others with no cognizance of how you landed in such a regrettable position. Once you reach this point, you’ve left your dreams on the back burner to pursue the ambitions of someone other than yourself.

The trade-off varies from person to person, but the endgame is always the same: the attainment of some sort of security. Unfortunately, the goals which were cast aside in the pursuit of said security almost always devolve into “what-ifs” and other unanswered questions revolving around what could have been. When belief in oneself is diminished and the qualities that make a person unique are abandoned, all that’s left is an empty shell that is waiting to be filled with the aspirations or orders of others. This is the fate of many people

Grit, courage, and discipline are required to forge one’s own path, because it’s not easy. Committing to yourself and your own vision is the first step toward developing into the person you know in your heart that you’re meant to be. Self-Confidence and self-love are paramount to your survival and building the life which you know you deserve. My beginnings were humble. My youth was not at all financially privileged. And like most young people, I was simply trying to find my place in the world as I knew it. But because I had so many influences from diverse walks of life, I had no clear path to follow. To further muddy the waters through which I walked as a younger man, my father passed away when I was 18 years old – just once month before I left college to enlist in the United States submarine Navy.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable to imagine that I would have blindly trekked down some beaten path if I was coerced to do so by loved ones. But my circumstances were not typical, and as an older and wiser man, I realize that being placed in a position to figure life out on my own was in fact a blessing in disguise. The hand which I was dealt forced me to take over the reins of my own life at a much younger age than most, so I learned early that if you are to survive and thrive, you must search within to find who you truly are and build a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment.

Have the confidence to be yourself.