Love yourself: The First Step to Building Healthy Relationships
“Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.” – Lao Tzu
In order to build a house, one must begin with a strong foundation. If sound building practices and a solid structure are absent as the foundation of a home is laid, it is only a matter of time before the inevitable happens- structural weakness will rear its ugly head. That’s the domino effect of problems begins. Relationships are not much different.
Whether it be a business, family, platonic, or romantic association, if a relationship is to succeed, it is imperative that at its foundation are values such as honesty, mutual respect, and people who know their own worth. Contrary to what many profess, two broken people cannot make each other whole or complete one another. In fact, emotionally or spiritually damaged souls in close and constant proximity of others who are also fighting losing battles with their own demons sometimes add the stumbling blocks of their associates or loved ones to their own journey.
“Folks who are different stages of their life and spiritual walk are carrying baggage with varying weights and contents, and each of us makes a decision to make room for the bags of other in our personal space or not.”
Think about it: People don’t spontaneously cease to have anger, commitment, control, or drug abuse issues because you choose to enter into a relationship or business venture with them. To expect otherwise is to set oneself up for failure. Folks who are different stages of their life and spiritual walk are carrying baggage with varying weights and contents, and each of us makes a decision to make room for the bags of others in our personal space or not. Based on my own experiences and observations, time reveals that broken people usually still possess the flaws with which they entered a relationship well into a relationship and after. Though there are exceptions, most are consistent in their attitudes and behaviors. This is why it’s imperative that you are deliberate in choosing who to allow into your circle and your mind. Many people are walking around with mental stress and weight on their heart that isn’t even theirs. You’re not obligated to be one of those people.
In the past, I often willfully- albeit innocently – invited dysfunction into my life. At other times, I have been an unwitting catalyst for the destruction of my own personal relationships. How?… Because I did not yet know myself or what I truly expected from others.
“If you plan to create something that you’ll be proud of even when no on one else is around, the decisions that you make at the start of your journey will determine if your long-term plan will hold up or if it will deteriorate with time. If the foundation of your venture is built with faith, positivity, and hard work, then you should like your chances of being able to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor one day.”
If you intend to create something that you’ll be proud of even when no one else is around, the decisions that you make at the start of your journey will determine if your long-term plan will hold up or if it will deteriorate with time. If the foundation of your venture is built with love, faith, positivity, and hard work, then you should like your chances of being able to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor one day. Even if things do not go as you expect, at least you’ll be at peace knowing that you worked your plan and kept your integrity intact. On the other hand, if your foundation is built on negative traits such as manipulation, pursuit of control, getting over of others, moving dishonorably, and finding the easy way out, it should be no surprise when the house that stands atop that base eventually comes crumbling down.
Remember that there’s no shortcut to a mountaintop, and there is no promise of anyone else fully agreeing with you or any of your aspirations. Moreover, past traumas must be dealt with, conquered, and left behind if you hope to move forward and be the best possible version of yourself. Learn to rely on yourself, prayer, meditation, and your own intuition to find your way. With a clear mind, a bond with the Most High, and willingness to learn from past mistakes, you’ll clearly see who might be good for your path and your peace. Be patient, discern between your needs and wants, and be wise when choosing who you associate yourself with.
‘Figure out what you enjoy, your dislikes, the things you’re willing to tolerate, and all of your deal breakers. Once that’s sorted out, set boundaries, and stick to your guns “
There is nothing wrong with lending a helping hand to someone in need. However, when you allow yourself to become someone else’s punching bag or permanent crutch, you compromise your own life and rob yourself of peace of mind and room for personal growth. Don’t allow other people’s baggage to crowd your personal space. Figure out what you enjoy, your dislikes, the things you’re willing to tolerate, and all of your deal breakers. Once that’s sorted out, set boundaries, and stick to your guns. When you confidently know who you are and what you expect from those with whom you interact, you will not settle for anyone or anything that will disrupt or destroy your life or your peace. Do not sell yourself short.
